Candide e Cunégonde

(Languages of this post: Interlingua, French, English)

Candide e Cunégonde, observante le doctor Pangloss, face un experientia de physica e physiologia applicate.

Il habeva in Westphalia in le castello del baron de Thunder-Ten Tronckh, un juvene qui habeva recipite del natura le mores le plus dulce. Su physionomia revelava su anima. Ille habeva le judicio assatis san e le mente le plus simple. A causa de iste ration, il me pare, on le appellava Candide.

Le vetule domesticos del casa suspectava que ille esseva le filio del soror del baron a causa de un bon e respectabile senior del vicinitate, con le qual iste senioretta non voleva maritar se proque ille non poteva probar que ille veniva de un familia assatis nobile, proque le major parte de su arbore genealogic se habeva perdite in le devastation del tempore.

Le baron esseva un del plus potente seniores de Westphalia proque su castello habeva un porta e unes fenestras. Su grande sala mesmo esseva ornate con un tapisseria. Omne le canes in su corte poteva esser usate in le chassa in caso de necessitate. Su grooms esseva su picatores. E le vicario de su village esseva su grande almosnero. Omnes le appelava senior mie, e illes rideva quando ille narrava contos.

Le baronessa, qui pesava circa tres cento cinquanta libras, attraheva a se multe estima a causa de isto, e illa faceva le honores del focar con un dignitate que la faceva etiam plus respectabile.

Su filia, Cunégonde, dece septe annos de etate, esseva roseate in color, fresc, grosse, e desirabile. Le filio del baron pareva completemente digne de su patre. Le preceptor Pangloss esseva le oraculo del casa, e le parve Candide ascoltava su lectiones con omne le bon fide de su etate e de su character.

Pangloss inseniava le metaphysicoo-theologico-cosmostupidologia. Ille provava admirabilemente que il non esseva ulle effecto sin un causa e que, in iste melior de omne possibile mundos, le castello del baron esseva le plus belle de omne castellos, e le baronessa le melior de omne baronessas possibile.

"Il es demonstrate," ille diceva, "que le cosas non pote esser differente proque, omne essente facite pro un fin, omne es necessarimente pro le melior fin.

"Remarca que on faceva le nasos pro permitter nos portar berillos, e assi nos ha berillos. On faceva le gambas visibilemente pro portar pantalones, e nos ha pantalones. On faceva le petras pro esser taliate, e assi le baron ha un castello multo belle. On faceva le porcos pro esser mangiate, e nos mangia porco omne le anno.

"Consequentemente omnes qui ha proponite que omne es bon ha parlate nonsenso. Illes debe haber dicite que omne es absolutemente optime."

Candide ascoltava attentivemente e credeva toto innocentemente proque ille trovava que Cunégonde esseva extrememente belle, ben que ille non osava dicer lo a illa. Ille concludeva que post le bon fortuna de esser nascite le baron Thunder-Ten-Tronckh, le secunde grado de felicitate esseva esser le senioretta Cunégonde. Le tertie esseva vider la omne le dies. E le quarte, de ascoltar le maestro Pangloss, le plus grande philosopho del provincia, e consequentemente de omne le terra.

Un die, Cunégonde, promenante in le parve foreste que on appellava un parco, videva inter le arbustos le doctor Pangloss, qui inseniava un lection de physica [e physiologia] experimental al femina de camera de su matre, un parve brunette multo belle e multo docile.

Como le senioretta Cunégonde habeva un inclination considerabile verso le scientias, illa observava, sin respirar, le experientias reiterate del philosopho.

Illa videva clarmente le ration sufficiente del doctor, le effectos e le causas, e vadeva via multo agitate, completamente pensive, completemente plen del desiro de esser un sapiente, soniante que illa poterea esser le ration sufficiente pro experientias con le physica e physiologia applicate con Candide, e que ille poterea esser lo pro illa.

Prominante verso le castello illa trovava Candide e se rubesceva. Candide anque se rubesceva. Illa diceva bon die a ille in un voce rumpite e Candide parlava con illa sin saper lo que ille diceva.

Le proxime die post dinar, durante que omnes sortiva del tabula, Cunégonde e Candide fortuitemente se trovava detra un paravento. Cunégonde lassava cader su pannello de naso, Candide lo levava, illa le prendeva le mano, e le juvene homine innocentemente basiava le mano del senioretta con un vivicate e un gratia pauco commun. Lor oculos se inflammava, lor genus tremblava, lor manos vadeva a areas sensitive.

Le baron Thunder-Ten-Tronkh passava presso le paravento, e vidente le causa e le effecto de lor experientia in le physica e le physiologia applicate, ille chassava Candide ex le castello con grande colpos de pede. Cunegonde perdeva conscientia. Le baronessa arrivava e dava a illa diverse colpas de palma post que illa se reviveva, e il habeva un grandissime consternation in le plus belle e le plus agradabile de omne le castillos possibile.

(O tempora, O mores! Factor externus ac inexspectatus subito intervenit. Experientia scientifica physica et physiologica interrumpitur nihilque discitur in laboratorio. Vae sapientibus!)

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Il y avait en Westphalie, dans le château de monsieur le baron de Thunder-Ten-Tronckh, un jeune garçon à qui la nature avait donné les mœurs le plus douces. Sa physionomie annonçait son âme. Il avait le jugement assez droit, avec l'esprit le plus simple; c'est, je crois, pour cette raison qu'on le nommait Candide.

Les anciens domestics de la maison soupçonnaient qu'il était fils de la soeur de Monsieur le baron et d'un bon et honnête gentilhomme du voisinage, que cette demoiselle ne voulut jamais épouser parce qu'il n'avait pu prouver que soixante et onze quartiers, et que le reste de son arbre génélogique avait été perdu par l'injure du temps.

Monsieur le baron était un des plus puissants seigneurs de la Westphalie, car son château avait une porte et des fenêtres. Sa grande salle même était ornée d'une tapisserie. Tous les chiens de ses basses-cours composaient une meute dans le besoin; ses palefreniers étaient ses piqueurs; le vicaire du village était son grand amônier. Ils l'appelaient tous Monseigneur, et ils riaient quand il faisait des contes.

Madame la baronne, qui pesait environ trois cent cinquante livres, s'attirait par là une très grande considération, et faisait les honneurs de la maison avec une dignité qui la rendait encore plus respectable.

Sa fille, Cunégonde, âgée de dix-sept ans, était haute en couleur, fraîche, grasse, appétissante. Pangloss était l'oracle de la maison, et le petit Candide écoutait ses leçons avec toute la bonne foi de son âge et de son charactère.

Pangloss enseignait la métaphysico-the'ologico-cosmolonigologie. Il prouvait admirablement qu'il n'y'a point d'effet sans cause, et que, dans ce meilleur des mondes possible, le château de monseigneur le baron était le plus beau des châteaux et madame la meilleure des baronnes possibiles.

"Il est démontré, disait-il, que les choses ne peuvent être autrement: car, tout étant fait pour une fin, tout est nécessairement pour la meilleure fin."

"Remarquez bien que les nez ont été fait pour porter des lunettes, aussi avons-nous des lunettes. Les jambes sont visibilemente instituées pour être chausées, et nous avons des chausses. Les pierres ont été formées pour être taillées, et pour en faire des châteaux, aussi monseigneur a un très beau château; le plus grand baron de la province doit être le mieux logé.

"Et, les cochons, étant faits pour être mangées, nous mangeons du porc toute l'année: par consequent, ceux qui ont avancé que tout est bien ont dit une sottise; il fallait dire que tout est au mieux."

Candide écoutait attentivement, et croyait innocemment; car il trouvait mademoiselle Cunégonde extrêmement belle, quoiqu'il ne prît jamais la hardiesse de le lui dire. Il concluait qu'après le bonheur d'être né baron de Thunder-Ten-Tronckh, le second degré de bonheur était d'être mademoiselle Cunégonde; le troisième, de la voire tous le jours; et le quatrième d'entendre maître Pangloss, le plus grand philosophe de la province, et par conséquent de toute la terre.

Un jour, Cunégonde en se promenant auprès du château, dans le petit bois qu'on appelait "parc", vit entre des broussailles le docteur Pangloss qui donnait une leçon de physique expérimentale à la femme de chambre de sa mère, petite brune très jolie et très docile.

Comme mademoiselle Cunégonde avait beaucoup de disposition pour les sciences, elle observa, sans souffler, les expériences réiterées dont elle fut témoin; elle vit clairement la raison suffisante du docteur, les effets et les causes, et s'en retourna tout agitée, toute pensive, toute remplie du désir d'être savante, songeant qu'elle pourrait bien être la raison suffisante du jeune Candide, qui pouvait aussi être la sienne.

Elle recontra Candide en revenant au château, et rougit, Candide rougit aussi; elle lui dit bonjour d'une voix entrecoupée, et Candide lui parla sans savoir ce qu'il disait.

Le lendemain après le dîner, comme on sortait de table, Cunégonde et Candide se trovèrent derrière un paravent; Cunégonde laissa tomber son mouchoir, Candide le ramassa, elle lui prit innocemment la main, le jeune homme baisa innocemment la main de la jeune demoiselle avec une vivacité, une sensibilité, une grace toute particulière; leurs bouches se rencontrèrent, leurs yeux s'enflammèrent, leurs genoux tremblèrent, leurs mains s'égarèrent.

Monsieur le baron de Thunder-Ten-Tronckh passa auprès du paravent, et, voyante cette cause et cet effet, chassa Candide du château à grands coups de pied dans le derrière; Cunégonde s'évanouit; elle fut souffletée par madame la baronne dès qu'elle fut revenue à elle-même; et tout fut consterné dans le plus beau et le plus agréable des châteaux possibles.

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There lived in Westphalia, in the country residence of Baron Thunder-Ten-Tronckh, a young boy who had been given by nature the sweetest of dispositions. His personality was revealed in his face. He had fairly sound judgment and the most naive mind; it is, I believe, for this reason that he was named Candide.

The old servants of the household suspected that he was the son of the baron's sister by a good-natured and respectable gentleman of the neighborhood, who that lady refused to ever marry because he had only been able to give proof of seventy-one heraldic quarterings, the rest of his genealogical tree having been lost through the ravages of time.

The baron was one of the most powerful noblemen in Westphalia, for his country residence had a door and windows. His great hall was even adorned with a tapestry. All the dogs from his farmyards made a reasonable hunting pack when needed; his grooms whipped them into shape; the village curate was his grand almoner. They all addressed him as "My Lord," and they laughed when he told stories.

The baroness, who weighed about three hundred fifty pounds, was highly regarded because of her weight and managed the household with a dignity that made her still more respectable.

Her daughter, Cunégonde, seventeen years of age, had a rosy complexion and was healthy, fleshy, and desirable. The baron's son seemed in every respect worthy of his father. The tutor, Pangloss, was the oracle of the household, and young Candide listened to his lectures with all gullibility of his age and character.

Pangloss taught metaphysico-theologo-cosmostupidology. He proved admirably that there is no effect without a cause, and that in this best of all possible worlds, the baron's country residence was the most beautiful of country residences and his wife the best of all possible baronesses.

"It has been proven," he would say, "that things cannot be any other way; for, everything having been made for a purpose, everything is necessarily made for the best purpose."

"Remember that noses were made to support glasses, hence we have glasses. Legs were obviously made to wear pants, and we have pants. Stones were formed to be cut up and for country residences to be made from them, and so His Lordship has a very beautiful country residence, for the greatest baron in the province must have the best housing.

"And since pigs were made to be eaten, we eat pork every month of the year. Consequently, people who have said that things are going well speak utter nonsense. They should have said that everything is at its absolute best.

"Consequently, people who maintain that all is well have spoken nonsense; they should have said that everything is the best it can be."

Candide listened attentively and, gullible as he was, thought all of it was true, for he found Cunégonde extremely beautiful, though he could never get himself to tell her so. He concluded that after the great luck of having been born Baron Thunder-Ten-Tronckh, the second degree of good fortune was to be Cunégonde; and the third, to see her every day; and the fourth, to listen to Dr. Pangloss, the greatest philosopher in the province and, consequently, in the entire world.

One day Cunégonde, while walking near the house in the little forest that was called a park, saw Dr. Pangloss among the bushes giving a lesson in experimental physics to her monther's chambermaid, a very pretty and very docile little brunette.

Since Cunégonde had quite a bent for the sciences, she observed breathlessly the repeated experiments that she saw.

She noted clearly the doctor's sufficient reason, the effects and their causes, and went away thoroughly agitated, deeply pensive and completely filled with the desire to be learned, thinking that she might indeed be young Candide's sufficient reason, and that he likewise might be hers.

While returning to the house, she came across Candide. She blushed. Candide blushed too. She said good morning to him in a broken voice, and Candide spoke to her without knowing what he was saying.

The next day after dinner, as everyone was leaving the table, Cunégonde and Candide happened to meet behind a screen. Cunégonde dropped her handkerchief. Candide picked it up. She took him innocently by the hand, and he innocently kissed her hand with uncommon vivacity, feeling, and grace. Their lips met. Their eyes blazed. Their knees trembled. Their hands wondered.

Baron Thunder-Ten-Tronckh passed close by the screen and, seeing that particular cause and effect, drove Candide from his country residence as he kicked him in the rear. Cunégonde fainted. She was slapped by the baroness as soon as she came to, and things were all bent out of shape in the most beautiful and most agreeable of all country residences.